So, yeah… I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This is not a new development. I’ve known for about 6 years… I’ve had symptoms since puberty (I was diagnosed after trying to get pregnant for over a year with no positive result. I was immediately referred to a fertility doctor. A great story with a beautiful ending for another day). It just so happens that its reality hit me hard today.
I’ve read about PCOS, I’ve done my research.We don’t know what causes PCOS… but we do have a long list of symptoms. I understand what happens, I understand the science (I was a Chem major in college and have a masters on Biochem… as well as a masters in counseling, which you would think should be super helpful tools to have when one is dealing with this kind of thing). But I understand it as something that happens to an individual or, more specifically, to 1 in 10 women… not to me. Except it is happening to me. It’s been happening to me whether I want to accept it or not.
I look at myself in the mirror and see the effects of PCOS. I see all the extra weight that seems impossible to lose. I see all the unwanted facial hair. I see all the skin issues. I see a woman with low self-esteem. It’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror and feel the anxiety and sadness take hold. So, for a long time, I chose to not think too much about it, not look too closely. PCOS became an invisible illness even to myself.
Today it all came to the surface in “cry” form… why? why? how come?… we all have something we have to deal with… keep calm and carry on. It went from a hard heavy thing I thought I couldn’t carry to an “I think I can handle this” to an “I gotta do something about it… I have ideas”. And that’s just a glimpse at how my brain processes things (hormones!?)… apparently all at once (“one thing at a time” I’ve heard my husband say lovingly).
I don’t pretend to have it all figured out and I know it’ll take loads of hard work to get to a comfortable/healthy place, but the initial motivation to change is there and that counts for a lot in my book. I hope to share more of my experience as I mindfully (hopefully) go through all this.
* You can find more info about PCOS, here.